Glee Me Against The Music Music video

I love my music!

All kinds! Bring it on! I wish I could dance again...my ankle hurts too much to dance sometimes to dance... :(

Today...

I got nothing...sorry, I'm usually pretty good at least updating something...but these past couple of days...I'm in a slump. Well actually a writer's block. I'm writing three different things cause my head won't stop spining with ideas...but not it has finally stopped. My brain has come to a hualt until something amazing happens... Which I don't know what.

I know I'm talking to a guy...and its very confusing...but other than that...I'm just a confused girl with too many things to write about...well at least the three things that I'm writing...anyway, I should go and try and write or sleep...

I don't sleep well...that's not good...

Another 20 minutes or less....

Let's see what I can create in 20 minutes or less again...

What's going on
With the love that
I have
Is it too much for you
Or is it too less
No matter how hard
I try...
I can't seem to
Love enough
I can't seem to
Do anything enough
Its like I've been
Wasting away my love
Or just giving too much away
I guess
I'll never understand
How I work
How I can love too much
Or love too little...
When I hide the love
I got nothing to lose
When I give it away...
I have everything to lose



Wow that took 5 minutes...scary...now on my soap box real quick. Please vote for my friend's video. I know you are reading this and I hope that you will vote. He is amazing and if you at least trust me on this one...you won't regret it. The site is on one of the posts below. Thank you! Have a great weekend.

Who wins?

Too many things
Going through my head
I wish I could be more
Than what I turned out to be
But that includes doing something
The bad part is that
Doing something
Is to get rid of fear...
I have too much fear
And very little trust
No matter how far I go
I'll lose my way in fear
Too much has gone by
Because of my fear...
My fear has controled
My life a little too long
I need to change...
I have to change...
But...but fear...
Always wins...

Nagged Short Film

My friend Ty is amazingly talented! He inspires me to be better at what I do!
So if you don't mind helping him out and voting for his video at this site~~ http://sony.mardenkane.com/voting_splash.cfm
That would be great! Thank you!!

Anyway, I gotta give you guys something to read soon and I'm not sure what to write about. Its been a little crazy at the time being...anyway, have a good day!!

Going in circles
Not knowing where
It would end
Having to keep
My head down
And not look around
Just stay in the circle
No one will really know
Where I should be going
Other than in circles
Nothing more
Nothing less
Circles are the only way
I know how to go
These days...

GLEE - Regionals "Get It Right" Full Performance

Just an update



Well this song says a lot...because I have been wanting just to hangout with a couple of people and appreantly this perticular person has been more involved in my life than usual...
I don't mind at all- I'm actually enjoying their company..and they have been getting a lot out of me more so than anyone else in my life...its been insane!

Anyway...let's see if I can write a creative poem or something for you.

Hmmm...

This Irish heart of mine
Has been lost in love
This Irish heart
Is full of love
But it has been
Broken so many times
That this Irish heart
Can't trust as easily
As people think
It takes awhile
For this Irish heart of mine
To trust
But this Irish heart
Can love so hard
Don't get it confused
With trust
Though trust is
Apart of love
So you may ask
How can you Love
Without Trust
Love is what comes from above
That this Irish heart
Is happy to say
That's where Love comes from
And trust also comes
From above
But we learn to trust
After we learn to love
So let this Irish heart
Try to get something right
With Love and Trust

2 days! WHAT?!

Ok so two days no big deal...

Again, it is but it isn't. You guys didn't miss me too much...my creative jucies are gone at the moment...I'm talking to a friend of mine and I should be sleeping.

But that's all I have for now...I got busy with the show. But that's not a good excuse. Anyway, I'm off to try and sleep...but who knows what will happen.

Have a good weekend!

GLEE - Regionals "Loser Like Me" Full Performance

Yeah I'm a loser!

So another day of writing...

My mind is off somewhere else, but its a good thing. My adoptive Mom was in the hospital and she is out of ICU which is awesome. Though the year that I'm having I want to be there for her and see her. I know it seems weird but she is like a mom to me even though I have my Mom....you can't have enough people in your life that you care about and they care about you.

MG has been there for me when my dad died and she has been an amazing friend before that happened. I love the fact that she was there for me and I want to be there for her. J has been an amazing adoptive Dad to me. He has been updating me on MG's status on what's going on. I love them both dearly and I can't help...but worry about them.

So I'm always sending out a prayer for them no matter what. I better go and try to get rid of this cough its been kicking my butt all weekend.

Trust?

How does this happen?
Things happen for a reason
And truthfully
Somethings shouldn't happen
For the lessons
We have to learn
I know I have a
Lesson that I need to learn
But at the moment
This lesson that I need to learn
Is to trust God
And His plan
And I do...
I trust Him
But my trust
Is stating to fade
I think He knows that
Which is probably
Not a good thing
That my trust is fading
My life has been about
Learning to trust
Because my trust has been
Compromised so many times
I wish that my trust was bigger
Trust has to do with faith
My faith is strong in the Lord
But my faith in myself
Is a completely different story
I try to be a good Christain
But sometimes these earthly things
Take over...
So what I need to do
Is try to keep my faith up
And work on my trust.

Yep soap box real quick...

So when I'm writing...I'm writing from the heart. You may not think so, but that's where its coming from. Sometimes its from this dunce head of mine but these are just words on a blog. This is just something for me to do...I know that it seems a little odd for me to write this again, but sometimes when people come and read this they miss this part. They miss the part where its just a blog and something for me to do...until my head is on straight. I'm just a girl who likes to write, travel, and work with the theatre. Its who I am...and granted I'm still learning who I really am.

At the moment my life is going in a circle...hopefully it will end as soon as I get my head and heart are in the right place. So let's see what else I can write today...

I have this dream
That I would become
Someone in this world
Where I can help people
I really don't know
How to do it...
But I hope to do it soon
I would like to help
Like one perticular person
In this crazy world
Who is helping people
Just by being on a show
But how can I help
Like her...
I'm not sure how
But somehow
There will be a way
For me to help
Like the amazing
Mariska Hargitay
I really don't know how
But this dream
Will come true
Even if I can't fullfil it

20 minutes or less...hopefully...

Its almost time that I'm going to miss...probably...

So I have 20 minutes to write something...
So let's see how fast I can write/create this.

Too much pain
Too much suffering
When will it stop
It will stop
When we finally confuss
That God is our Lord and Savior
And then we will be free
Granted I know myself enough
That I do believe
And will Shout to the world
That I love my GOD
Who created me in His perfect image!
Though I don't feel like I am
And I know that
I am not His perfect daughter
I wish I was a better
But He knows
Where my heart is
And where my soul is
Though sometimes I know
I fail at giving Him my heart
Though He is taking care of me and you
And will never stop loving me and you
Though we as humans are never perfect
We can look to Him
And He will take care of us
He will bring us JOY
HOPE
GRACE
FAITH
HAPPINESS
PEACE
PATIENCE
KINDNESS
GOODNESS
GENTLENESS
SELF-CONTROL
and most of all....
LOVE!!!
That's what He will bring us
Once we call His name
And claim Him as our Loving God


I guess that's what's going on in my head right now...I guess its because of everything that's going on in life right now...
We will never know when God will come and take His children home...I hope that I'll be one of His many grateful and loving servant, but I know my sins...and I know how I am...and He knows how I am...No matter how much I know His love saved me...I still go my own way...I'm a horrible daughter but He loves me just the same...and loves you just as much...

So I give you my love and I just ask to give a smile and send love to everyone you know...and what do you know...5 minutes to spare.. =)

Prayers

Lord,

Please be the ones who are hurting.
Please be with the ones who are suffering.
I know you hear the prayers
I know you see your children in pain
And I know that we hurt you...
By going our own way
I shouldn't even be asking for anything
Because I know my actions have disappointed you...
But I have to ask...
To be with the ones who are away from their families
The ones who are in trouble
The ones who are in the hospitals
The ones who don't know you...
Or don't even care...
I know that you are greater than anything
I know that you love me...
So I'm going to ask
To please keep your children safe from harm
Keep them in your hands for safe keeping...
Though in this prayer...
I know that you know that I'm not a fan of you...
But I still love you
And you know that
You know my thoughts and my actions before I do...
So please...
Keep your children save from harm...
And know that I still love you
Though I don't like you right now...

Love your daughter.

Time...

Another day...
Another hour...
Another minute...
Another second...
How long is it going to take
To get you out of my head
Nothing seems to work anymore
I can't seem to get a hold of my thoughts
You just stay in my head
That's not fair for me
You don't want me
And I'm ok about that...
I think...
But still its not fair
If you can move on
I should be able to move on as well
But no matter how many
Seconds to a minute
Minutes to and hour
Hours to a day
I will always be a friend
And that's when I win
Because friendship
Is better than
Having nothing at all
So time will hopefully be on my side.

Reflection

I've been looking back
Seeing the things
That I should have done
Realizing that I would
Have loved to be apart of something
Something amazing
But my fear kept me back
My lack of trust
Kept my heart hidden
From being broken
Into pieces
Then my fear
Of being alone
Really keeps me still
Not moving a muscle
And looking back now
I'm still scared
I let my fear
Take over me...
And I shouldn't
So I need to change
And that means
Getting rid of my fear
That I have in my life
All together

What's going on...

Not much is going on...but at least I'm writing again right?

Ok maybe not so much...

Here's the thing...I got to see one of my friends today and it was great seeing her. She is going to have surgery on Friday. She has breast cancer and they found it in time...and they are getting it out. I'm just scared for her. I really don't want to get a phone call from her husband again like I did when she had a stroke. So I'm kind of down...and scared out of my freaking mind! If anything happens...I know myself well enough that I'll probably break down even worse than what I did with my dad. I mean to tell you...I completely broke down and died inside when my dad passed away.

I'm not going to lie... I love God, but right now I'm not a fan of Him right now. I know He is watching over me and my family and friends...I've just been so lost that I don't really want to be found and the worse part is that no matter how hard I try to become the person that God wants...He seems to lose me. Granted He hasn't but that's what I feel. People around me don't really know me anymore...and truthfully...I kind of lost myself in a bad way.

So as God and I are on a love/dislike relationship right now...I'll always be HIS daughter even though I feel like sometimes like I'm losing Him. I'm just sayin...and now you know what's going on in the life of a sad 25 year old who is still learning to live in a house without her dad there and thinking about her (mostlikely) best friend as she goes through this crazy phase in life.

I just have to remember love is the most important thing in life. So remember Faith, Hope, LOVE. 1st Corinthians 13:13

Problem...maybe for the week...

Creative mind doesn't want to come out today. I was painting the woodwork in my house...so that means my mind is done for today...execpt for the fact I have rehearsal today. I'm really hoping for something good to come out of this head of mine and into the world...ok on this blog.

Granted there is not a lot of stuff that's going on to hit the creative juices....soon hopefully tomorrow!

There is a lot of hope in this post.

Just something for the moment...

Its nothing big or anything like that today, last night's post was supposed to be for yesterday but that didn't happen cause I was out to a movie.

Anyway, so I realized that there is this "stats" on here. Who knew you were actually reading this craziness that I'm writing. I guess I can say Thank you for reading my randomness and craziness that I come up with in my head or the random problems that I have in life.

Well, other than that...I don't have anything creative to write today...wish I did just for you, but I don't. =(

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to have something for you.
Have a great night or day.....

Fear...
That's what comes to mind
Fear...
How it lingers longer than it should
Fear...
Where people freak out about the little things
Fear....
Where I lose trust in you
Fear....
Of losing you right before my eyes
Fear...
......
To late....
I pushed you away because of my
...Fear

What time

It's almost time
Time to go to bed
Time to let slumber
Take over
Along with the dreams
That needed to break free
It's almost time
To release stress
Of the day go
And rest to over take
My body
Now as time comes
Slowly
I can still dream
During the day
But it's better
To be able to sleep
And dream
It's almost time

Random Dream!

Ok no poem today, just gotta get this dream out of my head. So last night I was playing with a couple of pictures and figured that I would play with some Mariska Hargitay pictures like this...

And this...

And I love these...


SO anyway, when I went to bed and finally fell asleep, I had a dream where I was working with Mariska Hargitay, Chris Meloni, and Peter Hermann and a couple of other people and they were talking about going out to a party or something and MH said that she had to call a babysitter and I spoke up saying that I'll do it...She waited a minute and said that it would be ok and we got back to work...
It was really weird...

Anyway, weird dream wish it could have been real...but if it was...I wouldn't have been writing it on here.

Wanting to Change

Wanting to run
But can't find my way out
Nothing I do will
Get me out
No matter how
Hard I try
I can't get away
I want to run
I want to do something
I want to change
But I can't
Do anything about it
It's hard
To live in a world
That I'm scared to change
And how bad I want to
But fear of something
Always blocks my dream
No matter how hard
I try to concor my fear
It hovers over my head
Making me more scared
Than before
I shouldn't be scared
But I am
I need to change
But I'm too... scared...

As the clouds clear the sky
I stand there looking up
At the dark sky
As the stars begin to sparkle
Then more stars
Begin to shine brighter
To make different shapes
I raise my hand
While my pointer finger
Connects the dots
Different lines
Then easily earased
To make something different
When finally done
Creating something
That no one will see
My hand drops to my side
And I go inside
To dream