Wanting to Change

Wanting to run
But can't find my way out
Nothing I do will
Get me out
No matter how
Hard I try
I can't get away
I want to run
I want to do something
I want to change
But I can't
Do anything about it
It's hard
To live in a world
That I'm scared to change
And how bad I want to
But fear of something
Always blocks my dream
No matter how hard
I try to concor my fear
It hovers over my head
Making me more scared
Than before
I shouldn't be scared
But I am
I need to change
But I'm too... scared...

As the clouds clear the sky
I stand there looking up
At the dark sky
As the stars begin to sparkle
Then more stars
Begin to shine brighter
To make different shapes
I raise my hand
While my pointer finger
Connects the dots
Different lines
Then easily earased
To make something different
When finally done
Creating something
That no one will see
My hand drops to my side
And I go inside
To dream

Rain

Who knows in what's going to happen next... I've been standing out in the rain for so long that I know I'll catch a cold, but feeling the water hit my head softly and seep into my clothes causeing me to shiver. Standing in the middle of the yard, hands in my pockets, and my eyes closed seeing darkness. Its the one time I can feel something as the rain falls...Nothing seems to matter when it rains like this. A steady beat hitting the house making music that I love hearing. Tick tick tick tick tick tick...It makes a difference hearing the rain...it clears your mind and makes you relax...so it makes you think that nothing matters at all.

Gratefulness

Give thanks
To those who
You're grateful for
To those who inspire you
To those who will
Stand by your side
To those who
Give you stregth
Through the hard times
That's what people
Don't need to hear
But it's nice to hear
Every once in awhile
That you are
Thankful for them
And how much
That they change you

Find something

As the days go by
There is nothing
At this time
For me to do
I'm at a loss of words
And nothing is coming to mind
My heart aches
For something more
But my eyes
Can't see what's
In front of me
So as the days go by
My sight is blinded
By the need of
Something worth getting
The problem is
I need that something
To see again
So te days go by...
With me struggling
To find it

Looking forward

I wonder back
On the days where
I could have changed something
But there is no way
That I can do that
So I must look forward
I think of the ways
That I could have made
Someone happy
But I can't
I must look forward
There is no way in changing
The past
But there is a way
To change the future
So I look forward
For the opertunity
For me to change something
That's why I must keep
Looking forward

Tired of skipping days...

Ok so I missed another day...and you're thinking, "Your point?"
My point is that I need to do this for me. I have to write something because its apart of me...when really...I need to get out of my own drama for a little bit. I have too many things going on in my life and writing helps me get through it...it also gets something out there, in the world that not many people would read...but its something.
I have to do this...this is until I find my way back to where I need to be.


When fighting isn't enough
I finally have to give up
When smiling can't seem to
Light up the world
My frown apears
When I'm giving it all
For something I believe in
But it falls through the cracks
And I loose every piece of it
I don't like this
I hate feeling like this
When it all comes down to it
I'm nothing
Invisable to the world
But only words
On paper that you see
But you don't see me